Part 1) 1/11/2012 9am Bill Turpin in for Serban
- Journal recommended for self-reflection which brings about self-awareness
- When we want to make changes in our lives we put planning into it, we must first unpack what is happening in our lives so we can take the best action.
- Awareness can create change. Bill wanted to downsize and downshift, felt he was losing the joy of daily life. He came to clear awareness of what is really important in life.
- What are we seeking to do through coaching? 1. help clients get self-awareness, 2. create self-decisiveness (client decide for themselves), 3. help create self-directed action.
- Coaching is all about taking action, Can’t take proper action without awareness.
- What is awareness to a client? Truth about who you are, strengths and weaknesses, what I am feeling, listening to self to identify what I want or need, understanding limitation, noticing the feelings you get from environment, people, and events, how your beliefs stop you from doing what you want.
- when I am thinking and behaving in a way that is true to me I feel good, sound good like an instrument (in tune)
- If I am feeling anything but peace and joy I need to figure out what is going on
- Suspend judgment. Judgments come from our life experiences, can’t get away from them. A good sense of self—awareness will help you become aware of our judgments so that we can work to suspend them so that you can purify your coaching presence.
Are you aware of:
- natural strengths
- character strengths
- talents
- values (what is important to you)
Find people who you trust to get a reflection on who you are. Ask them what your natural strengths are? What are some common threads of the responses? Assessment tools like authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu, strength finder book, extended disc.
Need to ask questions for greater self awareness. Conventional questions provide information, curious questions provide self-exploration
- Do you desire to be more aware? What is preventing you/stopping you from being more aware? What do you want to learn about yourself? ICA requires a biography, opportunity for self-awareness
- If you woke up tomorrow with greater self-awareness how would it change how you went about your day? If you give yourself permission to live by your values, wants, how would you change your life?
Leaders focus on self, leaders have awareness
Steps that lead to credibility (greater leaders have credibility):
- know self
- control self (more awareness of strengths and weaknesses)
- know others
- meet others needs.
Advice givers emphasize and underline the problem. The result is to make others feel guilty. When someone feels guilty, they get defensive rather than focusing on a way forward. Advice implies judgment. Advice givers are not allowing the advice receiver to take responsibility for their own life. Advice givers believe they know better. Coaching is built of the belief that the solution is within the client. When the client owns the solution, the solution can be achieved.
Give Feedback, not opinions. Ask Questions, not give advice.
- When you give your opinion it is in view of your goals and values. When you give feedback it is in view of their goals and values. Feedback is an observation (information you noticed, discerned, or are picking up from what they are saying, nonjudgmental). You need to know their goals and values to give feedback. Feedback creates awareness. Awareness creates choice.
- Powerful questions support your client in stopping a particular pathway of thought and looking at a situation in a different perspective. Powerful questions support opportunities for growth and creativity. Asking questions will support your client in knowing more about themselves and what they need to do.
Part 2) 1/18/2012 9am Bill Turpin in for Serban
Strength finder assessments will be posted to forum by Bill
Foundation of coaching is to help create:
- Self-awareness
- Self-decisiveness
- Self-directed action
3 techniques to master to create client self-awareness:
- asking questions (we are helping to create awareness with the questions we ask, conventional questions get information, curious questions encourage self-exploration)
- listening (after we ask questions, listen, provide space for client to get clarity, to decide what choice is best, to become clearer about goals)
- inviting (invite clients to take action)
Ask questions to create awareness, awareness offers choices (listen as the client sorts out the choices), and then invite client to take action.
Coaching practice allows competence. Confidence comes with time and practice. Must be fully present when we listen, powerful questions are a byproduct of listening.
Coaching vs. Counseling/therapy:
- Both deal with behavior.
- Coaching deals with controlled behaviors that the client can change themselves, counseling deals with compulsive behaviors that clients have a hard time controlling (mental illness, alcoholism, etc.).
- Coaching is about taking action after one comes to an awareness, counseling is about awareness (can move on to action depending on therapy approach used).
- If someone cannot complete the actions set up through coaching, perhaps they need counseling to get greater awareness and/or identify mental illness.
- In coaching there is not necessarily a problem, but a desire for a change, in counseling there is often a problem.
- In coaching there is one main purpose: to create self-awareness for action. In therapy, it depends on the method/approach being used, some aim to enhance awareness, some aim to change behavior, some encourage change…it depends on the model being used by the therapist.
Self-awareness:
- is a window into ourselves, so you can understand yourself.
- involves you being your own observer.
- helps you understand the importance of where to go in life.
- allows you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, emotions, values, what is important in life.
- is about accessing if your goals and action are in line with your values. If not, we can make changes.
- is encouraged for the purpose of identifying what changes are needed. When we are aware we feel more complete, we can take action to live by our values and desires, rather than by our expectations or society’s expectations.
- allows you to feel what you feel, be who you are.
We often know what is important in our lives, but we need to give ourselves permission to change our lives to reflect what is important rather than live by our perception of what is expected of us. Bill’s gave an example: hearing his children laughing helped him identify a desire to downsize and downshift and take action to create a life according to his own values (family togetherness).
Where you focus your emotion, attention, and behaviors, will determine where you go.
Life-coaching is all about creating change in your life through self-awareness. With self-awareness, you can change thoughts, perspectives, beliefs, outlook, perspective, and way of life.
Resolutions often don’t create long-term change because self-awareness and self-exploration is needed for long-term change. You have to go deeper to understand where you are and why and set up a plan to get to where you want to be. Time is needed for awareness to truly develop long lasting change.
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