Creating Trust with Kathy Munoz

Part 1) 1/21/2012  9am Kathy

How do you get the client to trust in a scary world (especially in a short period of time)?  How do we convince our clients that we are there because we want to be there, we want to help them be the best they can be, not just for the money?  How do we show them that this time and space is for them? How can we convince them that we are their biggest cheerleader? How can we get them tyo a place where they will share their deepest feelings and goals?
- be genuine
- powerful listening
- genuine interest
- being non judgmental
- be curious (replace assumptions with curiosity)
- allow space for trust or truth
- use the coaching approach
- create a model, brand that focuses on providing a trusting, safe space
- engage with the person’s humanity (I never met a man I couldn’t like.)

What does it mean to trust?
- comfortable to bring out innermost feelings
- be our authentic self
- know not being judged
- feel safe
- feel like there is a commitment to my well-being
- in the hands of an expert
- balance challenging with support

What made you feel comfortable in a coaching session?
- coach was focused on me (not sharing to many personal stories)
- a trusting space was created first through sharing some about each other. The first session starts off with coach saying that this is not going to be a regular coaching session, but rather a chance to get to know each other and see if a good fit.  Allows rapport to be established and a connection to be made before to much in depth sharing goes on.

Coach determines the process, but the client determines the content/agenda:
- goals they set
- value they wish to align their life with
- skills they want to develop

Coaching Theory with Rob Stringer

Part 1) 1/15/2012  7pm

Power Listening with Rob Stringer

Part 1) 1/11/2012  9pm

When was the last time you spoke to someone and they were really listening? What did they do that made you feel really listened to?

-         nonverbal cues,

-         silence to allow time to think, allowed time for them to digest what I was saying, not feeling rushed

-         asked specific questions to show they are listening and interested

-         were in the present moment, not distracted

-         paraphrasing and linking to what was said

What hold people back from being a good listener?

-         thinking about multiple things

-         thinking about response

-         judgments

-         formulating a way to fix the problem rather than listening

-         upset

-         lack of patience

-         didn’t have skill sets yet (not aware of self and the way they listen)

-         multi-tasking

-         feel silence is weird, so they talk to fill the void

Over phone coaching:

-         without body language

-         quickly become attuned to tone of voice, speed of speech, breathing pattern

-         options to have first few sessions in person?

-         Client may feel more willing to share due to more anonymous nature of phone (less racism, judgments based on looks)

-         Over phone allows you to access clients from all over, greater client base

-         Listen for what is not being said (elephant in the room, the obvious thing not being said out of fear or lack of self-awareness)

Part 2) 1/18/2012  9pm

Power listening as a coach, means listening for:

-         feelings underlying what is said

-         what they are not saying

-         what is important to the client

-         discomfort (avoiding, redirecting, ask “Is this something you don’t want to talk about?”

-         perspective

-         assumptions they are working under (They think that because they are… they are suppose to…)

-         false beliefs

-         motivations

-         tone in their voice

-         fear

-         feelings (sense all the feelings the client could be having)

-         where client wants to go (goals)

-         is the client aware of the situations

-         consequences

-         barriers

-         passions, interests, talents

-         patterns of thought/communication

-         “I have to…” Ask if they REALLY have to?

-         should

-         expectations (ask “Who said?” “Why”)

-         requests (“Are you looking for me to scold you, because that’s not my place…”)

-         change in energy

-         learning style (I see, I feel)

-         self-talk

-         talking in the past (move towards present and future, only place we can create change is the present)

-         I’ll try (encourage commitment)

-         Cultural differences

-         Language differences

Power listening can be demanding, but does come natural after practice. Kind of like driving.  At first we were overwhelmed and worried about every move we made, very mechanical in our actions. Over time, driving becomes more natural, almost automatic.

Can take notes throughout the session of things you think are important as long as it doesn’t detract form client.

Barriers to active listening:

-         assumptions about what they mean (ask, be aware of assumptions)

-         our beliefs

-         judging

-         caught up in thinking about next question (if really listening, the question will come to you)

-         interruptions (“So where were we?” “Can you tell me that last little bit you were talking about before we got interrupted?”

-         lack of sleep

-         stress

-         cultural/language differences

-         rambling (Is it serving a purpose? If not ask “Sorry to interrupt, I’m just curious … Or how does this relate to…”)

Creating Awareness with Serban Chinole

Part 1) 1/11/2012  9am  Bill Turpin in for Serban

- Journal recommended for self-reflection which brings about self-awareness

- When we want to make changes in our lives we put planning into it, we must first unpack what is happening in our lives so we can take the best action.

- Awareness can create change. Bill wanted to downsize and downshift, felt he was losing the joy of daily life. He came to clear awareness of what is really important in life.

- What are we seeking to do through coaching? 1. help clients get self-awareness, 2. create self-decisiveness (client decide for themselves), 3. help create self-directed action.

- Coaching is all about taking action, Can’t take proper action without awareness.

- What is awareness to a client? Truth about who you are, strengths and weaknesses, what I am feeling, listening to self to identify what I want or need, understanding limitation, noticing the feelings you get from environment, people, and events, how your beliefs stop you from doing what you want.

- when I am thinking and behaving in a way that is true to me I feel good, sound good like an instrument (in tune)

- If I am feeling anything but peace and joy I need to figure out what is going on

- Suspend judgment. Judgments come from our life experiences, can’t get away from them. A good sense of self—awareness will help you become aware of our judgments so that we can work to suspend them so that you can purify your coaching presence.

Are you aware of:

-         natural strengths

-         character strengths

-         talents

-         values (what is important to you)

Find people who you trust to get a reflection on who you are. Ask them what your natural strengths are? What are some common threads of the responses? Assessment tools like authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu, strength finder book, extended disc.

Need to ask questions for greater self awareness. Conventional questions provide information, curious questions provide self-exploration

- Do you desire to be more aware? What is preventing you/stopping you from being more aware? What do you want to learn about yourself? ICA requires a biography, opportunity for self-awareness

- If you woke up tomorrow with greater self-awareness how would it change how you went about your day? If you give yourself permission to live by your values, wants, how would you change your life?

Leaders focus on self, leaders have awareness

Steps that lead to credibility (greater leaders have credibility):

- know self

- control self (more awareness of strengths and weaknesses)

- know others

- meet others needs.

Advice givers emphasize and underline the problem. The result is to make others feel guilty. When someone feels guilty, they get defensive rather than focusing on a way forward. Advice implies judgment. Advice givers are not allowing the advice receiver to take responsibility for their own life. Advice givers believe they know better. Coaching is built of the belief that the solution is within the client.  When the client owns the solution, the solution can be achieved.

 

Give Feedback, not opinions. Ask Questions, not give advice.

      -         When you give your opinion it is in view of your goals and values.  When you give feedback it is in view of their goals and values. Feedback is an observation (information you noticed, discerned, or are picking up from what they are saying, nonjudgmental). You need to know their goals and values to give feedback. Feedback creates awareness. Awareness creates choice.

      -   Powerful questions support your client in stopping a particular pathway of thought and looking at a situation in a different perspective. Powerful questions support opportunities for growth and creativity. Asking questions will support your client in knowing more about themselves and what they need to do.

Part 2) 1/18/2012  9am  Bill Turpin in for Serban

Strength finder assessments will be posted to forum by Bill

Foundation of coaching is to help create:

-         Self-awareness

-         Self-decisiveness

-         Self-directed action

3 techniques to master to create client self-awareness:

-         asking questions (we are helping to create awareness with the questions we ask, conventional questions get information, curious questions encourage self-exploration)

-         listening (after we ask questions, listen, provide space for client to get clarity, to decide what choice is best, to become clearer about goals)

-         inviting (invite clients to take action)

Ask questions to create awareness, awareness offers choices (listen as the client sorts out the choices), and then invite client to take action.

Coaching practice allows competence. Confidence comes with time and practice. Must be fully present when we listen, powerful questions are a byproduct of listening.

Coaching vs. Counseling/therapy:

-         Both deal with behavior.

-         Coaching deals with controlled behaviors that the client can change themselves, counseling deals with compulsive behaviors that clients have a hard time controlling (mental illness, alcoholism, etc.).

-         Coaching is about taking action after one comes to an awareness, counseling is about awareness (can move on to action depending on therapy approach used).

-         If someone cannot complete the actions set up through coaching, perhaps they need counseling to get greater awareness and/or identify mental illness.

-         In coaching there is not necessarily a problem, but a desire for a change, in counseling there is often a problem.

-         In coaching there is one main purpose: to create self-awareness for action. In therapy, it depends on the method/approach being used, some aim to enhance awareness, some aim to change behavior, some encourage change…it depends on the model being used by the therapist.

Self-awareness:

-         is a window into ourselves, so you can understand yourself.

-         involves you being your own observer.

-         helps you understand the importance of where to go in life.

-         allows you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, emotions, values, what is important in life.

-         is about accessing if your goals and action are in line with your values. If not, we can make changes.

-         is encouraged for the purpose of identifying what changes are needed. When we are aware we feel more complete, we can take action to live by our values and desires, rather than by our expectations or society’s expectations.

-         allows you to feel what you feel, be who you are.

We often know what is important in our lives, but we need to give ourselves permission to change our lives to reflect what is important rather than live by our perception of what is expected of us. Bill’s gave an example:  hearing his children laughing helped him identify a desire to downsize and downshift and take action to create a life according to his own values (family togetherness).

Where you focus your emotion, attention, and behaviors, will determine where you go.

Life-coaching is all about creating change in your life through self-awareness. With self-awareness, you can change thoughts, perspectives, beliefs, outlook, perspective, and way of life.

Resolutions often don’t create long-term change because self-awareness and self-exploration is needed for long-term change.  You have to go deeper to understand where you are and why and set up a plan to get to where you want to be. Time is needed for awareness to truly develop long lasting change.

Communicating with Leon Vanderpol

 Part 1) 1/10/2012  8pm


What does it mean to you to be a good communicator? What does it look like?

- reflecting what is said back to the client to show you are listening and to get clarification.

- Clarity and clearly

- monitor what is being said so you can provide feedback

- need awareness of communication

What are the needs of the person you are communicating with?

-   be heard and understood

 Why do we have the need to communicate?

-   transmission of information

-   connection with others

-   convey our thoughts and get people to respond

-   we are emotional beings, we seek harmonious connections with others, there is a benefit to connection

-   reharmonize with others

Why do our styles of communication differ so much?

- way we see the world influences our communication

- our language is a reflection of ourselves

- any message that you receive is about the person saying it; you do not have to take on the emotion of it. What ever they say is about their belief or perception. You will not be offended by what others say as it is not about you. It gives distance to be able to see what is behind it and get the meaning of the message that the transmitter intended. Don’t make assumptions about the meaning, check the meaning. Consider where they are at the moment in time.

-the language we use is about us, a record of who we are, it is our underlying beliefs, judgments, perceptions, perspectives

  

What gets in the way of communication?

- we feel we might be judged

- afraid of not being accepted by something we say

- fear of rejection, authentic people have let go of this fear

What does your optimal way of communicating look like?

- empathy is a higher form of communication

- is the focus on us or the other person

- is it positive and healthy? Being sensitive

- communication is not in the form, but in terms of authenticity

- clean more side of a diamond

What keeps you in your old patterns of communication?

- underlying beliefs, judgments, perceptions, perspectives

Brought up in class were the different levels of communication (additional information retrieved from http://www.nvcc.edu/home/npeck/handouts/communicationlevels.htm ) :

The Levels of Communication: A Cheat Sheet
Nan Peck, Northern Virginia Communication College

Phatic Communication: Using conventional messages to establish rapport, to break the ice, and/or to end a conversation. You might hug, kiss, shake hands, bow, smile, make eye contact, and face one another. We exchange pleasantries by using cliches. Clichés are overused expressions that have lost their original (content) meanings and have taken on new relational meanings. We expect phatic communication at the beginning and end of every conversation, regardless of our feelings about a person.
Examples: Hello. How are you?
I’m fine. How are you?
Hi. Paper or plastic?
Thanks for coming. Have a nice day.
You’re welcome.
Factual communication: Using events, making observations, offering knowledge to others in a manner which can be called chit chat or small talk. At business parties, we rely upon factual communication to network, to schmooze, and to work the room. Factual communication includes reporting what you’ve read in a textbook, what you’ve studied for a test, showing pictures of your children, and exchanging biographical information about yourself. Factual communication is relatively safe and most do this well.
Examples: I’m majoring in business administration.
I’m married with three children, two sons and one daughter.
Did you watch the basketball game last night?
What did we do in class last Friday?
Evaluative communication: Offering opinions, ideas and judgments to others. This is risky business because the odds are that others will reciprocate with their own evaluations, which may be different from yours. When people consistently use evaluative communication, they must be prepared for eventual conflict. Many U.S. Americans enjoy sharing at this level and feel that disagreeing with others is useful and invigorating. Unfortunately, many of us don’t use evaluative communication with a high level of competence. It’s important to consider the value of critical and creative thinking, as well as the relational meanings of messages that are exchanged. When using evaluative communication, consider carefully the importance of descriptive, provisional, and responsible expressions. Strive to avoid cautionary language, sarcasm, and nonverbal put-downs (e.g., rolling your eyes in response to another’s comments).
Examples: Of all my children, my daughter is the better athlete.
I thought that movie was excellent, particularly with the surprising ending.
I’m not convinced that your argument is well supported.
I agree with you!
 Gut-level communication involves sharing our emotions and feelings with another. We are sharing our very essence when we allow others to know our heart. This is risky business! Societies place constraints upon the specific emotions which can be conveyed (e.g., It’s good to express love; it’s bad to express hatred). We also have rules about when and how feelings can be expressed ("That was the wrong time and place for arguing with your spouse.")
Emotional intelligence involves interpersonal competencies including self-awareness, self control, flexibility and empathy.
Examples: I deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity in helping me earlier.
I’m so frustrated with you!
I’m wish that I hadn’t called you that name. I hope that you’ll forgive me.
He called me! I’m so excited to see him again!
Peak communication: Coming together with another in an extraordinary way. Two individuals who are gut leveling experience a transformation when they are sharing the exact same emotion with the same level of intensity. This is also called, "communal-level communication." It’s as if, for the moment, two souls merge into one. Peak communication is rare, even among close friends and family members.
Examples: I love you. I love you too.
I’m so angry with you. I’m so angry with you as well.
I’m glad that we were able to fight long enough to get this resolved. Yes, I feel exactly the same way, glad that we communicated collaboratively.
I’m scared. I’m scared too.

Some General Thoughts about the Levels of Communication

The greater the need to communicate our feelings, the harder it is to do. Indeed, sharing our opinions and emotions is risky business. We minimize the risk when we move through the levels of communication incrementally. That is, each conversation ought to begin with phatic communication and move through the levels (however quickly seems appropriate) before moving to the more intimate levels.
Generally, we look for the other individual to reciprocate at the same level of intensity. There is a social convention to match levels. If the other initiates a conversation at the evaluative level, we often feel compelled to respond in kind. This is dangerous.
Sharing our ideas and feelings is generally reserved for those whom we trust. Trust is a function of confidence, commitment, and time. We generally share our essence with those we’ve known a long time. To do with others is pseudo-intimacy.
For more information about the levels of communication, consult John Powell’s book, Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? (Niles, IL: Argus Communications) 1969.

 Part 2) 1/17/2012  8pm

Through listening and the questions we ask we open doors that had not been opened before.

Good communication is taking responsibility/ownership of our communication.

Flex Communication styles – we have our own communication styles. There is value in understanding other’s communication styles so we can flex our style to meet other’s style and create a better mode of communication.

Analytical style       |         Driver’s style

--------------------------------------------

Amiable style         |      Expressive style

Analytical – logical, thorough, need information to make decisions, less emotional, task-oriented, systematic, orderly, serious

Amiable – supportive, avoid conflict, like agreement, cooperative, patient, agreeable, harmonize, slow it down to ensure on track

Expressive – are outgoing, enthusiastic, fun-loving, free flowing, persuasive, attached to sharing at an emotional level, goes with gut feeling

Drivers – independent, decisive, pragmatic, efficient, move things forward, concerned with task/results (additional information can be found online, like at http://www.peterursbender.com/quiz/swtable.html )

We have a secondary fall back style when get nervous or under stress (not optimal state). Analytics withdraw, go away. Amiables give in. Drivers attack, take charge. Expressive respond with feelings and emotions.

Get things done in different ways: Analytics need thorough information and need time to analyze. Amiables get results through harmony and wants to be asked for ideas and are willing to slow things down to allow space for others to think (coaches tend to be amiables). Drivers get results through action. Expressive get results through relationships.

If each person is aware of their style they can work together, make a shift (flex) to meet the needs of the other communicators.

How people think influences our communication.

Concrete <---------------------------------------------------------------> Abstract

(pragmatic, practical; shares stories and experiences)  /  (philosophical, shares thoughts)

Random <---------------------------------------------------------------> Sequential

(random, but associated thoughts; jumps around)    /   (orderly thought; stays on the topic)

For better communication, consider the style of communicator of the client and make changes to your communication patterns to better meet the needs of the style of that person.

-         Provide information to analytics; prefers “how” questions

-         Ask for opinions and compliment amaiables, use and answer “why” questions

-         With drivers don’t waste time; discuss and answer “what” questions

-         With expressive focus on the relationship; ask and answer “who” questions.

Trust vs. Doubt with Bill Turpin

Part 1) 1/10/2012  2pm


Trust Vs. Doubt is one of the coaching power tools that can help create self-awareness and reframing (perspective shifts from disempowering perspective to empowering perspective).

- Doubt about future is worry, doubt about people is distrust, doubting self is inferiority, doubt in God is unbelief, doubt in everything is skepticism.
- Doubt is calling into question.
- Doubt has value: used to reflect and encourage self-awareness. What is causing this feeling of doubt? Is it an underlying belief, a pattern of thought, self-talk?
- Doubt can stop us. Doubt loop - doubt becomes a loop in our head that can prohibit action.
- Ask yourself: What of the situation can I trust? You cannot control many things, but you can control yourself.  What can you trust in? Trust in ability to learn when faced with a new experience (of course you are going to feel unsure, because it is a new experience...but you can trust that you will learn, even if it is learning from a mistake).
- What is holding you back? What is the cause of the doubt or fear?
- Bill asked, "What would you do if  '+ reaction'" "What would you do if '- reaction'" Helps client face doubt.
- Example of being nervous about getting paying clients.  Student came to conclusion that he needs to trust that he is worth the investment.
- "My name is Bill and I am a recovering perfectionist." Being a perfectionist breads doubt. Recognize what you cannot or do not need to control.
- Identify something that you can trust in. I.e. I trust that I am more educated than my students in the subject I teach and thus I have something I can offer them.
- Shift in perspective (choice) that inspires you to move forward. You do not need to have all the answers before you try. Confidence in your ability to learn, trust in your ability to learn even if it is learning from a mistake takes you from inaction (doubt) to action.  And the more times you practice (action) the less doubt you will have. Move forward and you will get better.
- Work on a plan to get out of doubt loop. Action gets us beyond our doubts.
- Underlying beliefs drive behavior. When we have doubt, it is a good opportunity to dig deeper and become more self-aware.  What is the underlying belief at the core of this doubt? Recognize it, acknowledge it, and move on.
- Doubt = disempowerment and inaction. Trust = empowering and action.
- Step out of your comfort zone. To move from doubt to trust, take action.  Action gets rid of doubt. Act of doing it brings about trust in your ability. Doubt your doubt. Put trust elsewhere (Trust that action will get rid of your doubt!). 

Part 2) 1/17/2012  2pm

Techniques to move client past a place of doubt (disempowering) to trust (empowering)?

-         affirming statements, look at self-talk is it empowering or disempowering?

-         perspective change/reframing

-         set little goals to build up to greater goal, get the ball rolling, less overwhelming

-         focus them on what they can do, not what they can’t do

-         ask client to think about 3-5 things you have been successful at

-         write 20 “I am…” statements to focus on “can do,” + takes place of –

-         visualization/imagine trust

-         encourage client to give themselves permission to open the door to opportunity

-         build on past successes

-         explore what triggers doubt, past experiences? Is it really true or just their perspective? If true, what did they learn?

-         use empowering, positive language (see below voice of trust/doubt)

Take a step out of the situation for a minute (3^rd person view); see yourself as someone else for a moment:

-         What is this person feeling?

-         What do you think this person needs?

-         Do you think you can give that to the person?

Our perspective truly determines our lives.

-         What perspective is really leading your life Are we living in doubt or trust?

-         What is the difference between living in trust and doubt? Attitude, perspective

-         What would you do if you trusted yourself 100%? What would your life be like? What would you do differently? What areas would you step out into if you were 100% trusting of yourself? How would your life be different? How can you truly live in a place of trust?

Trusting of ourselves means:

-         using our natural talents

-         listening to our deepest wisdom

-         living our dreams

Doubt and self-esteem are connected.

Voice of doubt

-         I can’t…

-         I’m not beautiful enough…

-         They won’t accept me.

-         They don’t like me…

Voice of trust

-         I am more than enough.

-         I am perfect just the way I am.

-         I love the person I am.

-         Nothing is impossible.

-         I always choose to love.

-         I create my own abundant happiness.

Self-doubt is to have a dream, but not take the action to achieve it.

Trust is to have a dream, break it into small steps, and take actions to achieving the dream.

ICF Competencies with Prabha C.

Part 1) 1/10/2012  9am

The ICF competencies bring professionalism to the coaching session (I.e. shows how coaching is different than talking with your best friend).

-         Understand competencies. The competencies can be used to educate others on coaching.

-         We are not consulting or counseling, but coaching. Clients bring the agenda; they are the center of the process. The competencies reflect this.

-         Cleaning session allows client and coach to look at what has been done and if they are meeting the goals.  If not, what competencies need to be stressed to accomplish the client's goals?

1. Setting the Foundation

-         Meeting the ethical guidelines and professional standards.

-         Establish coaching agreement

-         Clear expectations (what is expected from the coach to assist the client) and creates boundaries (what a coach should and should not be doing)

2. Co-creating the Relationship

-         Establishing trust and rapport with client, create a safe environment to share

-         Coaching presence, you are there for them

Part 2) 1/17/2012 9am

Come to session with no agenda, don’t assume, ask them.

Coaching session continues works after session

Trust coaching process – follow competencies, dance with clients

3. Communicating Effectively – Active listening, Powerful questions, and Direct Communication

Active Listening

-         Understanding, empathy, putting self in client’s shoes

-         Hearing how the words are being said

-         If client is using the same words over and over, say “I hear you saying…” Can you explain more?

-         Body language

-         Active vs. power listening. Power listening adds the element of hidden messages, what they really mean when they say something, emotions there but not being said. “What other thoughts are going through your mind as you talk about this… I hear frustration, yes?”

-         Holding silence can create a time and space to think on what they said, also encourages them to say more. “Let’s take a second to think about what was just said.”

-         Be aware of where the client is coming from as a unique person and also from their culture. What are the clients feelings/take on different subjects. “I am curious about what…means?” “Can you tell me more about this custom?”

Power Questions

-         Explore further, expand on what is being said, dig deeper and clients can find their own answers. How we think and feel is how we behave. Explore thoughts and feelings to change behavior. Behavior is what is visible; behind the behavior are thought processes and feelings. Explore the thoughts and feelings to change unwanted behaviors.

-         Self-awareness

-         Change in Perspective

-         “How does that make you feel…” This question can be going into therapy realm, so know when to use it and when client is now ready to explore sensitive feelings.

-         “I heard you say…, would you like to add more?”

Direct communication

-         Feedback not at client, but to encourage client to find the solution. Can challenge client to take action steps (“How do you think … or …would work for you?”) or to explore a topic for further awareness.

-         Reflecting back what you are hearing

-         Ask permission to give feedback.

4. Facilitating Learning and Results (Creating awareness, Designing actions, Planning and goal setting, Managing progress and accountability)

-         Moving to action, timelines

-         Has the client internalize the change or going through motions?

-         Hold client accountability. Client must be responsible and accountable for change.

ICF Core Competencies (Retrieved from http://www.coachfederation.org/icfcredentials/core-competencies/)

The following eleven core coaching competencies were developed to support greater understanding about the skills and approaches used within today's coaching profession as defined by the ICF. They will also support you in calibrating the level of alignment between the coach-specific training expected and the training you have experienced. Finally, these competencies were used as the foundation for the ICF Credentialing process examination. The core competencies are grouped into four clusters according to those that fit together logically based on common ways of looking at the competencies in each group. The groupings and individual competencies are not weighted - they do not represent any kind of priority in that they are all core or critical for any competent coach to demonstrate.

A. SETTING THE FOUNDATION

1. MEETING ETHICAL GUIDELINES AND PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS

2. ESTABLISHING THE COACHING AGREEMENT
B. CO-CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP

3. ESTABLISHING TRUST AND INTIMACY WITH THE CLIENT

4. COACHING PRESENCE
C. COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY

5. ACTIVE LISTENING

6. POWERFUL QUESTIONING

7. DIRECT COMMUNICATION
D. FACILITATING LEARNING AND RESULTS

8. CREATING AWARENESS

9. DESIGNING ACTIONS

10. PLANNING AND GOAL SETTING

11. MANAGING PROGRESS AND ACCOUNTABILITY 

A. SETTING THE FOUNDATION
1. Meeting Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards - Understanding of coaching ethics and standards and ability to apply them appropriately in all coaching situations.

1. Understands and exhibits in own behaviors the ICF Standards of Conduct (see list, Part III of ICF Code of Ethics),
2. Understands and follows all ICF Ethical Guidelines (see list),
3. Clearly communicates the distinctions between coaching, consulting, psychotherapy and other support professions,
4. Refers client to another support professional as needed, knowing when this is needed and the available resources.

2. Establishing the Coaching Agreement - Ability to understand what is required in the specific coaching interaction and to come to agreement with the prospective and new client about the coaching process and relationship.

1. Understands and effectively discusses with the client the guidelines and specific parameters of the coaching relationship (e.g., logistics, fees, scheduling, inclusion of others if appropriate),
2. Reaches agreement about what is appropriate in the relationship and what is not, what is and is not being offered, and about the client's and coach's responsibilities,
3. Determines whether there is an effective match between his/her coaching method and the needs of the prospective client.

B. CO-CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP
3. Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client - Ability to create a safe, supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust.

1. Shows genuine concern for the client's welfare and future,
2. Continuously demonstrates personal integrity, honesty and sincerity, 
3. Establishes clear agreements and keeps promises,
4. Demonstrates respect for client's perceptions, learning style, personal being, 
5. Provides ongoing support for and champions new behaviors and actions, including those involving risk taking and fear of failure, 
6. Asks permission to coach client in sensitive, new areas.

4. Coaching Presence - Ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationship with the client, employing a style that is open, flexible and confident.

1. Is present and flexible during the coaching process, dancing in the moment,
2. Accesses own intuition and trusts one's inner knowing - "goes with the gut", 
3. Is open to not knowing and takes risks, 
4. Sees many ways to work with the client, and chooses in the moment what is most effective, 
5. Uses humor effectively to create lightness and energy, 
6. Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments with new possibilities for own action, 
7. Demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions, and can self-manage and not be overpowered or enmeshed by client's emotions.

C. COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY
5. Active Listening - Ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client's desires, and to support client self-expression.

1. Attends to the client and the client's agenda, and not to the coach's agenda for the client,
2. Hears the client's concerns, goals, values and beliefs about what is and is not possible, 
3. Distinguishes between the words, the tone of voice, and the body language, 
4. Summarizes, paraphrases, reiterates, mirrors back what client has said to ensure clarity and understanding, 
5. Encourages, accepts, explores and reinforces the client's expression of feelings, perceptions, concerns, beliefs, suggestions, etc., 
6. Integrates and builds on client's ideas and suggestions, 
7. "Bottom-lines" or understands the essence of the client's communication and helps the client get there rather than engaging in long descriptive stories, 
8. Allows the client to vent or "clear" the situation without judgment or attachment in order to move on to next steps.

6. Powerful Questioning - Ability to ask questions that reveal the information needed for maximum benefit to the coaching relationship and the client.

1. Asks questions that reflect active listening and an understanding of the client's perspective,
2. Asks questions that evoke discovery, insight, commitment or action (e.g., those that challenge the client's assumptions), 
3. Asks open-ended questions that create greater clarity, possibility or new learning 
4. Asks questions that move the client towards what they desire, not questions that ask for the client to justify or look backwards.

7. Direct Communication - Ability to communicate effectively during coaching sessions, and to use language that has the greatest positive impact on the client.

1. Is clear, articulate and direct in sharing and providing feedback,
2. Reframes and articulates to help the client understand from another perspective what he/she wants or is uncertain about, 
3. Clearly states coaching objectives, meeting agenda, purpose of techniques or exercises, 
4. Uses language appropriate and respectful to the client (e.g., non-sexist, non-racist, non-technical, non-jargon), 
5. Uses metaphor and analogy to help to illustrate a point or paint a verbal picture.

D. FACILITATING LEARNING AND RESULTS
8. Creating Awareness - Ability to integrate and accurately evaluate multiple sources of information, and to make interpretations that help the client to gain awareness and thereby achieve agreed-upon results.

1. Goes beyond what is said in assessing client's concerns, not getting hooked by the client's description,
2. Invokes inquiry for greater understanding, awareness and clarity, 
3. Identifies for the client his/her underlying concerns, typical and fixed ways of perceiving himself/herself and the world, differences between the facts and the interpretation, disparities between thoughts, feelings and action, 
4. Helps clients to discover for themselves the new thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, moods, etc. that strengthen their ability to take action and achieve what is important to them, 
5. Communicates broader perspectives to clients and inspires commitment to shift their viewpoints and find new possibilities for action, 
6. Helps clients to see the different, interrelated factors that affect them and their behaviors (e.g., thoughts, emotions, body, background), 
7. Expresses insights to clients in ways that are useful and meaningful for the client, 
8. Identifies major strengths vs. major areas for learning and growth, and what is most important to address during coaching, 
9. Asks the client to distinguish between trivial and significant issues, situational vs. recurring behaviors, when detecting a separation between what is being stated and what is being done.

9. Designing Actions - Ability to create with the client opportunities for ongoing learning, during coaching and in work/life situations, and for taking new actions that will most effectively lead to agreed-upon coaching results.

1. Brainstorms and assists the client to define actions that will enable the client to demonstrate, practice and deepen new learning,
2. Helps the client to focus on and systematically explore specific concerns and opportunities that are central to agreed-upon coaching goals, 
3. Engages the client to explore alternative ideas and solutions, to evaluate options, and to make related decisions, 
4. Promotes active experimentation and self-discovery, where the client applies what has been discussed and learned during sessions immediately afterwards in his/her work or life setting, 
5. Celebrates client successes and capabilities for future growth, 
6. Challenges client's assumptions and perspectives to provoke new ideas and find new possibilities for action, 
7. Advocates or brings forward points of view that are aligned with client goals and, without attachment, engages the client to consider them, 
8. Helps the client "Do It Now" during the coaching session, providing immediate support, 
9. Encourages stretches and challenges but also a comfortable pace of learning.

10. Planning and Goal Setting - Ability to develop and maintain an effective coaching plan with the client.

1. Consolidates collected information and establishes a coaching plan and development goals with the client that address concerns and major areas for learning and development,
2. Creates a plan with results that are attainable, measurable, specific and have target dates, 
3. Makes plan adjustments as warranted by the coaching process and by changes in the situation, 
4. Helps the client identify and access different resources for learning (e.g., books, other professionals), 
5. Identifies and targets early successes that are important to the client.

11. Managing Progress and Accountability - Ability to hold attention on what is important for the client, and to leave responsibility with the client to take action.

1. Clearly requests of the client actions that will move the client toward their stated goals,
2. Demonstrates follow through by asking the client about those actions that the client committed to during the previous session(s), 
3. Acknowledges the client for what they have done, not done, learned or become aware of since the previous coaching session(s), 
4. Effectively prepares, organizes and reviews with client information obtained during sessions, 
5. Keeps the client on track between sessions by holding attention on the coaching plan and outcomes, agreed-upon courses of action, and topics for future session(s), 
6. Focuses on the coaching plan but is also open to adjusting behaviors and actions based on the coaching process and shifts in direction during sessions, 
7. Is able to move back and forth between the big picture of where the client is heading, setting a context for what is being discussed and where the client wishes to go, 
8. Promotes client's self-discipline and holds the client accountable for what they say they are going to do, for the results of an intended action, or for a specific plan with related time frames, 
9. Develops the client's ability to make decisions, address key concerns, and develop himself/herself (to get feedback, to determine priorities and set the pace of learning, to reflect on and learn from experiences), 
10. Positively confronts the client with the fact that he/she did not take agreed-upon actions.